Just this morning, as I walked around the woods, ponds and other natural beauty that I am privileged to enjoy, I reflected on how fortunate I was. I decided I would write about the birds (glorious and exotic down here in the South), the alligators and the deer. I resolved to wax poetic in an account of the joy associated with the dissipating summer heat.
When I returned home I needed to make a quick phone call before I started writing about the view from above, or at least the level view and the beauty around me. I called my mail-order medication guy. Every day I take about 40 pills. (I'm afraid the getting to know you phase of our blog life is about to enter warp drive. No coy courtship for us.)
My list of medications is long enough to impress Tolstoy. I print it out when I have an appointment. I attach this list to whatever annoying form I am being asked to complete. I have been seriously ill for nearly half of my life. I spend most of my time filling out annoying forms.
Here comes the fire hose...a quick medical history; in 1985 I became infected with HIV, in 2000, 2002 and 2004 I developed full blown AIDS. I am now back to being HIV positive. The drugs are working. The side effects are awful.
In 2000 I was diagnosed with lymphoma, stage 3B. Six months of nasty chemo but I'm still in remission. In 2004 I suffered with a bizarre and extremely painful bone disorder which landed me in a wheelchair and rendered me incapable of using my hands, arms, feet, etc. After three weeks at Mayo I returned home undiagnosed. Fortunately whatever it was is now "in remission". (I hung on to the wheelchair, just in case.) In 2005 I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. In 2006 I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I will spare you the numerous surgeries, joint replacements, drug reactions, etc.
Maybe at a later date, we can discuss the possibilities of re-incarnation and my former life as Joseph Stalin? Despite this litany of illness, I maintain a life saving sense of humour and I am usually happy and reasonably comfortable. But, today, I found myself in the gutter again. When I called my "medicine man" he explained that Medicaid would no longer pay for most of my medications. I have to "CHOOSE" six that I can't do without. Well, there are about 20 that I can't do without! I only get six. Oh, and I get four overrides. So a total of 10 prescriptions a month.
Talking about health is boring, I know. I hate to subject you to the details of the evil machine that is the South Carolina State Govt., but it's necessary for you to understand. Unless you live with long term illness in America, it's hard to imagine that one invests most of their time managing the illness. I don't mean managing as in eating well, pampering, massage, alternative treatments. I mean managing an uninterested, incompetent and cruel bureaucracy.
I realised after "choosing" meds that I would be forced to choose to treat the RA or the HIV. I have to choose ONE! I think I'd rather die with the HIV then live with the pain of RA left untreated. Although dying with AIDS (which I nearly did in 1995) was excruciatingly uncomfortable.
So, thanks for listening (reading). Take heart, don't take it all too seriously, I don't. I used to get quite panicked and dramatic about it all. Now I simply resolve to solve the problem and somehow I will. There are some amazing social workers in this country.
Back in the last century when I attended college, I used to study philosophy. I admired David Hume for many reasons. Most of all was his attitude, when his head was wrecked trying to solve some huge metaphysical dilemma, he walked away and played golf. Well, I don't play golf. But I am going to grab some apples and carrots and go play with some horses.
It's still a beautiful day and I am fortunate to be able to bounce back from the gutter (it gets easier with practice). This problem will still be here when I get back. Right now my dog needs a walk, the horses need treats and I need fresh air.
Don't mistake me for some Pollyanna living in denial, I'm just a seasoned citizen of this God forsaken country and this third world (not developing at all)state. This problem won't go away so I am going away from it. For now.
When I returned home I needed to make a quick phone call before I started writing about the view from above, or at least the level view and the beauty around me. I called my mail-order medication guy. Every day I take about 40 pills. (I'm afraid the getting to know you phase of our blog life is about to enter warp drive. No coy courtship for us.)
My list of medications is long enough to impress Tolstoy. I print it out when I have an appointment. I attach this list to whatever annoying form I am being asked to complete. I have been seriously ill for nearly half of my life. I spend most of my time filling out annoying forms.
Here comes the fire hose...a quick medical history; in 1985 I became infected with HIV, in 2000, 2002 and 2004 I developed full blown AIDS. I am now back to being HIV positive. The drugs are working. The side effects are awful.
In 2000 I was diagnosed with lymphoma, stage 3B. Six months of nasty chemo but I'm still in remission. In 2004 I suffered with a bizarre and extremely painful bone disorder which landed me in a wheelchair and rendered me incapable of using my hands, arms, feet, etc. After three weeks at Mayo I returned home undiagnosed. Fortunately whatever it was is now "in remission". (I hung on to the wheelchair, just in case.) In 2005 I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. In 2006 I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I will spare you the numerous surgeries, joint replacements, drug reactions, etc.
Maybe at a later date, we can discuss the possibilities of re-incarnation and my former life as Joseph Stalin? Despite this litany of illness, I maintain a life saving sense of humour and I am usually happy and reasonably comfortable. But, today, I found myself in the gutter again. When I called my "medicine man" he explained that Medicaid would no longer pay for most of my medications. I have to "CHOOSE" six that I can't do without. Well, there are about 20 that I can't do without! I only get six. Oh, and I get four overrides. So a total of 10 prescriptions a month.
Talking about health is boring, I know. I hate to subject you to the details of the evil machine that is the South Carolina State Govt., but it's necessary for you to understand. Unless you live with long term illness in America, it's hard to imagine that one invests most of their time managing the illness. I don't mean managing as in eating well, pampering, massage, alternative treatments. I mean managing an uninterested, incompetent and cruel bureaucracy.
I realised after "choosing" meds that I would be forced to choose to treat the RA or the HIV. I have to choose ONE! I think I'd rather die with the HIV then live with the pain of RA left untreated. Although dying with AIDS (which I nearly did in 1995) was excruciatingly uncomfortable.
So, thanks for listening (reading). Take heart, don't take it all too seriously, I don't. I used to get quite panicked and dramatic about it all. Now I simply resolve to solve the problem and somehow I will. There are some amazing social workers in this country.
Back in the last century when I attended college, I used to study philosophy. I admired David Hume for many reasons. Most of all was his attitude, when his head was wrecked trying to solve some huge metaphysical dilemma, he walked away and played golf. Well, I don't play golf. But I am going to grab some apples and carrots and go play with some horses.
It's still a beautiful day and I am fortunate to be able to bounce back from the gutter (it gets easier with practice). This problem will still be here when I get back. Right now my dog needs a walk, the horses need treats and I need fresh air.
Don't mistake me for some Pollyanna living in denial, I'm just a seasoned citizen of this God forsaken country and this third world (not developing at all)state. This problem won't go away so I am going away from it. For now.
1 comment:
You're following in Oscar Wilde's fine footsteps, with your view from the gutter and your fine writing. Keep it coming! Ruth
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