O God! Obama! Slap America. HARD!

I have had it.  I have said this many times over.  And every time, I mean it.  Survival is brutal.  I say "this is it", "I can't take it", blah blah blah.  The tragedy of living is that you are here today and here tomorrow.  I have been exhausted and in pain for a long time.  Decades.

Four weeks ago I went off most of my RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) meds and started on Enbrel, another RA drug.  I also have other causes of pain, sometimes bearable and sometimes, not so much.  So for me the pain rodeo is in town.  I hate rodeo's and the pain rodeo is my least favourite.

I have many illnesses and they all involve pain of different intensities and frequencies.   I have many physicians who specialize in riding a buck, lassoing a horse, catching and/or riding a bull. I don't know much about rodeo's but I know enough to detest them.  Horses, bulls and humans don't need to inflict or endure cruelty to mesmerize or inspire.  That's what CSPAN is for.

I often feel that I have a calf roper trying to lasso me and a lasso expert trying to ride me with my bucking strap way too tight.   Finally, over the course of the last week or two I found myself doing the bucking and kicking, wanting to get some help  and if necessary, maybe even draw a little blood.

But, I don't think anger accomplishes much except perhaps the motivation and energy to write. So,  I took action, invested a great deal of time, crafting letters, making copies of old medical records, new records and accounts of medications.  My pain level continued to increase as I sat surrounded by inconsistent records.  

It's funny, when you're a well person you think that doctors are quite organized.  They look at your chart and remember that you had vaginal yeast three years ago.   You blush even as you admire the organizational skills.

When your chart is thicker than the Manhattan phone book and you've had more surgeries, cancers, fractures, human immunodeficiency viruses, full blown AIDS, joint replacements and let's not forget major depressions -  any super hero may well feel they're competing in the wrong arena.  But unfortunately many doctors out there think they understand everything, all your symptoms and here's the worst -- how you feel.

So, struggling to make sense and trying to organize the current cluster fuck of pain,  I spent last week not being heard at the pain clinic, not being heard by other physicians even after faxing, and emailing, recapping and pleading.  I know many physicians are over loaded and some of them are good.  But they chose this lucrative career and sometimes greed influences decisions about patient loads.   I did not choose a life of illness and pain.  I did choose to take responsibility for my health but I can't do it without medicine. 

I met my primary doctor in the hospital lobby today so he could give me something if I needed it over the weekend, because another doctor totally dropped the ball, prescribing pain killers that might provide relief for a ingrown toenail on a petite flea but with enough acetaminophen to burst several Irish livers. 

I went to the pharmacy and it was crowded so the pharmacist said "ring in 20 minutes and I can give you a price".  I did and she was apologetic when she said there was no way they could fill the script because there was no name or date and it's a felony to interfere.  Also, had the script been written correctly, it would require pre-authorization which could take up to a week.

So, someone,  Please!  SLAP!!  America hard right in the face and kick me across the ocean. There I may again take up residence in a civilized country where the ill are taken care of, well.  

Yes, yes no country has perfect health care.  "Ah sure, me little auld auntie had to wait for months to have her bunion cut.  God love her."  I have heard the stories.  Truth is the dear auld auntie would never pass the financial triage in this country.  

I lived in Europe for many years, no financial triage and had excellent, timely care.  Never had to write letters or exhaust myself asking "Is anyone here?I am unwell, I am in pain."  I would go back tomorrow but for one major shortcoming, the love and support of family are here in the useless USA.